WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
