I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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