apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
