As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
