Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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