I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
