I'm so fucking centered right now
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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