Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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