I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
only you would photoshop your dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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