I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
