You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
