Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
