It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
