When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
