Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
