Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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