drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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