I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
