I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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