very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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