Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
