PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
