I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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