I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
