I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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