My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
