Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
