i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
