mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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