i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
