i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it's like iHOP with fire
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
