pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
