Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
