I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
