whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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