If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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