he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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