My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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