i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
