At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
