we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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