the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
