tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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