omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
