Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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