dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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