nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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