Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
