I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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