The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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