loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
