Me too!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
