I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
